I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
