I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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