Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
