I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
