covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He? As in you personified your dick?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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