you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
