if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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