Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
