It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
