I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
