u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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