i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
