I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
