Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize