so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
