I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
