so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
