Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
