i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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