I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't EVER smell your tampon
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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