I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
