Where is the hickey?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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