I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
