That's intense
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
