Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
