Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
