she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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