There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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