I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
