glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize