There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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