I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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