We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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