I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
