I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He passed out mid-signature
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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