I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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