girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
