dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
