P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
