Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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