Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
