so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
