trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
