HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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