Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
