yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
