I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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