Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
last night I used snow as a chaser
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
