omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
