i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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