In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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