my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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