What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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