News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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