Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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