Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
