If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
