drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
