My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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