His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
