Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
