I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
