his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
