its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
two words...techno handjob
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
