I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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