So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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