i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
