You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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