You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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