What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
one might say we're banned from that church
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
